things you’d never hear “the dark knight” characters say

Name: The Dark Knight (2008)

Imdb page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569/
Rotten Tomatoes page: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dark_knight/
Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPy5qYlTlRY

Things you’d never hear “The Dark Knight” characters say:

Gordon (to his wife): I’m sorry. I coudn’t risk your safety.
(she slaps him)
Gordon: Bitch, that hurt!
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Joker: Are you the real batman?
Brian: Yes.
Joker: No? Then- wait. What?
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Fox: You’ve turned every phone in Gotham into a sonar.
Batman: Yeah. This sreen is my favorite. Look at that ass. Mmmm…ass.
Fox: Bitch, that’s my mother!
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Guy from Watchmen: The world will look up and shout, save us! And i’ll whisper…no.
Joker: Even to me that’s cold.
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S.W.A.T. Guy: That’s not good. Okay, that’s not good!
Gordon: No sh it, sherlock!
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(Batman pushes Two- Face off the ledge)Batman: Yippee- Ki- Yay Motherf_cker!
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Joker: Duh- nuh- nuh- nuh- nuh- nuh- nuh- nuh- duh- nuh- nuh- nuh- nuh- nuh- nuh- nuh- BATMAN!
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Joker: You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
’89 Joker in audience: THAT SON OF A BITCH!
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Alfred: Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?
Bruce: Middle of the day, Alfred– wait, that’s not right…
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The Joker: Hey, don’t let me eat any more of these pills…
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Mike Engel: So Mr Reese, you know the identity of the Batman?
Coleman Reese: Yes, in reality Batman is Oscar winning actor/director George Clooney.
Mike Engel: If you’re not going to take this seriously…..
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Joker: Wanna know how I got these scars? My father is a drinker, and a fiend…

Batman: Motherfuc*er, what makes you think I care?
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Joker : You either die a villain ; Or live long enough to see yourself become a hero !
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Joker : Now that you’ve seen me in the Nurse’s costume ; How about we set up a petition to get Me the role of CatWoman !
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Rachel : Would you say that the reason that people don’t like me in this film is related to the fact that my scenes are all Dull Exposition ? I haven’t got a single memorable line in the Whole Movie ! Mr. Nolan ? Could you and your brother please learn how to write dialogue for women ?
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Joker: You wanna know how I got these scars?
Rachel: How?
Joker: My father made me watch a video. It was so terrifying that I screamed. I screamed so loud and my mouth got so wide it ripped.
Rachel: Oh my, God! what was it that was so terrible?
Joker: A Rick Roll music video.
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(Bruce walks into the fundraiser with three women)
Random Guy #1: That’s my girlfriend!
Random Guy #2: That’s my wife!
Alfred: That’s my mother!
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(Gordon sees Harvey’s burnt face): Holy crap! You look like sh it.
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Joker: Look at me. LOOK AT ME!!! Do these pants make me look fat?
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Joker: Good evening commmmmmmmmiiiiissssssiiiiiiooooooonnnnnnneeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr
(Gordon snickers)
Joker: What’s funny?
Gordon: Oh nothing, just you wait til i leave this room. (He keeps laughing) You’re not going see this one coming.
Batman (whispering behind the Joker in the darkness): Shut the fu*k up, Gordon!
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Joker: Introduce a little anarchy.
Harvey Dent: (kneels down in front of the Joker) I pledge myself to your teachings, master!
Joker: (in deep, Sith voice) Good. GOOD!!! The force is strong with you. A powerful villain you will become. Henceforth, you shall be known as: Two Face!
Harvey Dent: Thank you, my master. What is thy bidding?
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SWAT cop: Is that a bazooka?
Gordon: no, no, don’t be stupid! It’s a German-made panzerschreck, 88 calibre, model 1943! You can tell the difference by the shape of the barrel. You see, bazookas have a small trumpet cap at the base of…
BOOM
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Joker: You remind me of my father.
Mel Gibson: Wrong movie.
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Alfred: This cave could really use a Batgirl.
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Press Conference Scene
Harvey Dent: I’m the Batman.
Tony Stark: And I’m Iron Man!
Harvey Dent: Yes Tony, we know.
Tony Stark: I’m just saying……
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Joker: We really should stop fighting, we’ll miss the fireworks!
Batman: Don’t be ridiculous, the 4th of July isn’t until next year.
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Party Guest: We’re not intimidated by thugs.
Joker: What? So all of that acting like a maniac was for nothing? Why didn’t you tell me sooner!? Dammit! Alright boys, let’s go.
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Joker: A little fight in you. I like that.
Chuck Norris: Then you’re gonna love me.
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Alfred: There’s a man here who’s family was just killed. He wanted to know if he could stay. His name is Dick Grayson.
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(in audience)
Joel Schumacer: Where are the bat nipples?
Tim Burton: And wheres Jack Nicholson dancing to Prince?
Adam West: Forget that, where’s Batman dancing?
Christopher Nolan: All in good time, my pretty. All in good time.
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Batman (in the shadows): You won’t kill the boy.
Two- Face: Who is that.
Batman (comes out of the shadows): I’m Batman.
Robin: And I’m Robin.
(Two- Face shoots Robin and he dies): Whew, that felt good.
Batman: Thanks man. (hands him a 20)
Two- Face (to Gordon and his family): You guys can go now.
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